if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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