I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
