it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
