Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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