I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
