i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
