He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She even gives head with a lisp.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize