Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
