You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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