Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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