I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
