He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
