Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
im on a boat
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