This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
