Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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