so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize