Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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