sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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