I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
