how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
