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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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