Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
