im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
