awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I stole a fireplace last night.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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