The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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