Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Quick, to the slutcave!
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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