Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize