you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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