i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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