the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
false alarm. still invincible.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
