I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize