Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
