Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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