Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
