shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
