and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize