How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
