I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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