My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
