I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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