I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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