So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
send nudes
from the living room?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
