i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
How drunk are you?
Completed.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
