you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize