hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Enjoy the penises
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
