everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He passed out mid-signature
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
