I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Who died my cat blue again?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
