a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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