Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
