we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Everything about him screamed your future.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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