Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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