if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize