it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
