Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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