The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
