Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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