I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
