sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
