I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
