i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
