How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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