I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
