We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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