Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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