This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize