I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
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