im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
