The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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