MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
