Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
