she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
