He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
