I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
