Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
