pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
